i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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