after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
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I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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