I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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