Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
