I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
be right there i have to get my cape
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
