that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
