ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
