So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
how does that bad decision feel?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
