Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
