i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
