Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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