Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
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Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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