I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is the high leading the old right now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
