Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
