Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
