somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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