Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Tornado booty call.. dedication
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
