can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
