im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
