The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
