She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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