he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
