How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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