don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
