guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
