just come out here and I will go home with you...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
