Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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