sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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