Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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