i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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