The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
