3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
