he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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