I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
