he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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