i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
