There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
