He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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