you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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