he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
