She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
