honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
