I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
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We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
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I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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