it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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