Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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