and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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