i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
