I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
only if we run a train.
done.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
