Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
