It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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