he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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