fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
how drunk are you?
Several
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
