Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
