tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
