That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
