i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
