words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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