Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
