My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm bleeding and have questions
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