New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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