1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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