im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
too bad you live with your parents still
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
