what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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