Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
