Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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