she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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