Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
