i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
