I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
