butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
