At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
