So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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