he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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