Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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