With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
